I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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