Its about making memories worth repressing
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
