I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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