By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
