The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
