i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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