we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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