There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
