I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
