My first STD was from a foam party
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
