Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
