i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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