marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
