i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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