You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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