fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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