just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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