last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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