You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
