Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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