Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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