I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I forget how to act sober
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
