nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
