i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
