i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
