His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
