I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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