and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
