Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
