you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
