How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
