You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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