I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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