That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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