my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
