he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
