The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
