just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Apparently you make a good broom.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
