I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Bring me that man meat
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
