Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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