Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
