You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
