We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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