I accidentally had phone sex last night
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
