what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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