So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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