i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
