oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
