do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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