i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
