I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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