I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
